Coming to terms with loss

In the last few weeks I have had the opportunity to comfort and console many who are experiencing bereavement. Loss of a family member, a friend or even a pet. It is devastating to lose someone you love, and trust me when I say that I know what it is to lose someone you care deeply for to death.sculpture2_645_469_55

But through all of this I feel the pain of loss even for something I never had… a child…

The Lord has been so good to us and has blessed us in so many ways but sometimes there is this empty ache in my heart when I feel the loss of the child I may never have.

I read the Bible where it encourages me to be content in whatever circumstances I am and I feel guilty for not being content with all the many blessings that God has given me.

I read the Bible where it encourages me to trust in the Lord with all my heart and He will make my paths straight and I am thrilled with how I can rest in my Abba Father with my circumstances and know that He is in control… but the pain doesn’t go away.

Over time the pain gets better but then it comes back and it overwhelms me and I feel like Peter looking at those waves, willing myself to look away but I can’t! I’m sinking! Jesus help me! This is a continuous battle.

I am grateful that I have a wonderful husband, I am grateful that we have a roof over our head and food on our table. I am grateful for the vehicles we have to be able to move around as well as the means to put fuel in the tank. I am grateful for our cat and her beautiful personality. I am grateful for all the many gadgets and other blessings we have like clothes and shoes etc. I am grateful for the mornings we can sleep in because it’s just the two of us and I am so grateful to God for giving us this time together as husband and wife. But OH!… I long for a time where there will be a little body in my arms. I long to see my husband as a father. I long for those pyjama drills and dirty nappies… It probably sounds like I am crazy… Am I?

But through all of this, I am grateful that in my heart I still find that there is a peace and a trust and a knowledge that God, my Father, knows best and will provide what we need.

” We know that He works all things together for the good for those who love Him.”

Romans 8:28

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