We all have to deal with it…

Disappointment…. We all have to deal with it.

In this past week I was reminded of my own disappointment when on Sunday the visiting pastor preached on family and the importance of raising the next generation for Christ. Then the following day I saw on Facebook that a friend was pregnant and everyone was congratulating her. All this scratched open old wounds and  I felt hurt and sad all over again!

Often we live in our own selfish little bubble without realising that others are also suffering like ourselves. Our pain isn’t all the same but we all have pain.

I came to realise this as I was pouring out my woes on my dear friend’s kind listening ear and telling her all about my disappointment.

Did my kind friend understand? ABSOLUTELY!

In actual fact she was experiencing a similar pain of her own. She isn’t married yet and is also wondering when Mr Right will come along. She has been in relationships but just hasn’t met the right man yet. A colleague at work this week got engaged, the TV show or movie tells a compassionate love story and she is wondering, ‘Will this ever happen for me?’ She is asking herself if she should lower her standards and settle for someone less than what she is worth…

She understands my pain. She is longing for something that is right and normal and wondering why others can have it and she can’t. She is counting her blessings while she is single but still hoping and praying that somehow the right man will come along for her.

Later on I took comfort in my husband’s arms and told him that I was hurting. He told me that he too had taken a bit of a knock during a conversation with someone. The couple he had chatted with were trying for a third child but having trouble conceiving. They expressed their own pain without realising that we were still trying for our first child without success.

We all have pain and each pain is as real as another’s. When we take time to see that and to reach out in compassion to each other we will also find some sort of healing.

I have noticed that when I am hurting or feeling sorry for myself, praying for others helps me forget my own pain. I get to focus on someone else’s pain instead of my own and then my spirit lifts.

Let us make a choice today to look for other’s who are hurting and reach out to comfort them during their suffering. Pray for them. Love them. Listen to them.

God bless!


“Happy” Father’s Day


For many years my husband and I have tried to have children. We have prayed, we have read books on the issue, we have visited others who have prayed for us and we tried the wonders of modern medicine…. But to no avail.

At first I was frustrated, angry and hurt. I would see other women my age and often younger falling pregnant and I would congratulate them through gritted teeth.

I stopped going to events and socials because it hurt to see others and their children.

I would see pregnant tummies and new mommies cuddling their babies and I would cry… I wanted that. I wanted to feel what it felt like to carry a baby in my womb. I wanted to feel the warmth of my baby feeding on my breast. I wanted all those things and more.

But my pain wasn’t all my own. When I looked at my husband, I could see how he loved children and it broke my heart thinking about what a good father he would be. He was strong and gentle and enjoyed teaching and playing with other people’s children.

Gradually, I learnt to submit my will to God and I started to force myself to enjoy the benefits that we have as a husband and wife without children. We can come and go as we please, sleep in on a Saturday morning, and have as many “date nights” as we like. These are just a few of our luxuries as child-less parents.

Then God blessed us with a cat. She came into our lives by “accident” but we both believe it was no accident. We rescued her from the dog and since then she has filled a gap in our hearts which helped me to heal from the hurt of infertility. We found something to love and enjoy and she loved us back which was a wonderful bonus.

I felt whole again. No more pain and no more longing. I enjoyed our quiet nights as well as our spur-of-the-moment outings. I enjoyed sleeping in on Saturday morning and having fun with my hubby. I didn’t feel the need for a child anymore.

But then came Mother’s Day… And now Father’s Day….

It still hurts.

It hurts that I will never be a mother. I won’t ever get a mother’s day card or flower…. It hurts that my husband who would be an excellent father won’t have that joy. I can’t give him a father’s day card or help our child prepare him a special breakfast.

I know it’s silly! How stupid to put so much emphasis and emotion into a commercial and man-made holiday which is probably only there to help businesses make money. But it hurts nonetheless.

In a few days/weeks I will probably get over the hurt and move on because I trust in my God and I know that He is Sovereign over all… but there are others out there who don’t know this or they have lost sight of it for a moment like I did.

I am voicing my pain for those who need to know that there are others who know your pain too.

God knows what the loss of a son feels like. He understands our pain. The world isn’t perfect but our Saviour is! He has died in our place so that we can be free from death and the curse of sin. I can know peace in my heart and soul because of His mercy and grace. Hallelujah!

When the pain comes again, as I am sure it will, I will remember that God is in control and I will think about how much He loved me to die in my place. This is enough for me!

Full Surrender to the Will of God

And so the day came that I had to send off my husband, the love of my life, to a country where they are killing Christians…

Two nights ago we sat having our last meal together before Michael left for Nigeria and I couldn’t help feeling like we were having the Last Supper. How do I know that he will come back from this trip? My thoughts were all jumbled up and my emotions were rising like a stormy ocean.

For the last couple of months attacks against the Christians in Nigeria have been intensifying. The Islamic terrorist group in Nigeria responsible for causing so much damage to the churches and the Christians there  released a statement just last week saying that their “work” is going to intensify and they will not stop until all the Christians are dead and anyone else who opposes Islam. This group of Jihadists are targeting churches and Christian gatherings in Nigeria by driving car bombs into the midst of the gatherings. Many Christians have been killed or seriously wounded through these attacks.

The following is a e-update by Dr. Peter Hammond, director of Frontline Fellowship www.frontline.org.za


Christians Targeted

Muslim Jihadists continue to attack Christians in Northern Nigeria. Rev. Dachollom Datiri of The Church of Christ in Nigeria has reported that over 100 members of the Church of Christ were killed by Muslim assailants in 12 villages: Dogo, Kakkuruk, Kuzen, Kai, Kura Falls, Maseh, Negon, Ninchah, Pwabiduk, Ngyo and Ruk in Plateau state.

 Islamic Jihad

The attackers were identified as Fulani tribesmen. The Fulani tribe are overwhelmingly Muslim. Most of the victims of the latest attacks are from the Birom tribe which is mostly Christian. Many of the farmers report that their crops have been burned.

 Burned to Death

In Maseh, Christians who had fled their homes found sanctuary in a church building. This building was burned down by Muslim Fulani with 50 Christians killed in the blaze. The Islamicist Terrorist Organisation, Boko Haram, has declared that they are launching these attacks to “achieve our goal of establishing an Islamic state, a caliphate.”

Mission to Nigeria

Please pray for Michael and David involved in a Mission to Nigeria at this time.

“Brethren, pray for us, that the Word of the Lord may run swiftly and be glorified, just as it is with you, that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men; for not all have faith.” 2 Thessalonians 3:1-2

You see, I am not crazy for worrying. This is a dangerous situation! Anything could happen out there and there is a chance that Michael might not come back… This highlights to me an area in my life where I need some growing. I believe the Lord wants to use this situation to teach me to trust Him as well as help me strengthen my prayer life.

I have been praying over Michael for the last 2 weeks, praying for his protection and safety, but I realize that when it comes to a full submission to the Will of God I am sorely lacking.

I am reminded of a Bible story we are all familiar with; the story of Moses who was placed in a basket by his mother and this basket with her precious bundle was put into the river. Imagine how afraid his mother must have been… She may never see her baby again! She was putting him in a river and trusting that God will take care of him. God honoured her faith and protected Moses and ultimately he was used greatly by God.

When we TRUST in Almighty God it means that we submit fully to His Will in our lives. When we surrender our lives to Him it calls for a FULL Surrender of our lives, our plans, our will. There is no room for holding back once you have made that commitment to God.

So this is what I pray:

Our Father in Heaven

We humbly come before You as your children. We love You and we want to serve You. We submit ourselves to Your Will and we pray for Your Protection on Michael as he heads off into dangerous territory. Father, please protect him and guide him. May his life be a testimony there where he goes and may he bring glory to Your Name.

Enfold him in your strong comforting Hands and carry him through the difficult situations. Send Your angels to surround him and protect him from any harm and danger. And yet, not my will but Your Will be done.

And Father if it be Your will that he must not return to me then I pray that You will grant me the grace to submit to Your will and that you will still reign Sovereign in my life.

May You be glorified through our lives…

Cancer… What an ugly word!


Cancer is a filthy disease! It takes lives, it steals quality and it weakens the soul. My mother-in-law is a warrior against cancer. She was diagnosed with cancer about 6 years ago for the first time and since then it has been an on-going battle.

The treatments are rough and she keeps losing her hair but… she has a golden spirit. Her laughter lights up the world and her love lifts your spirit. She is an encouragement to all who know her and she never lets anything get her down.This post is dedicated to my mother-in-law and others who are bravely and cheerfully waging war against this demon of cancer.
I also found a blog of another cancer survivor which I felt fit this description: Someone who lights up the world…Please check it out if you wanted to be inspired: http://cancerkillingrecipe.wordpress.com/2012/03/05/cancer-killing-recipe/

The Sovereign Will of God

I have often asked myself the question… How do I know if something is the Will of God?

Last week I had an exciting experience and it just confirmed to me that God is in control. He directs our paths.

Michael and I have been deliberating about our vehicles for some time now. I have an Audi A4 and he has a Nissan SANI 4×4. We intend to go into the mission field next year and honestly neither of our vehicles are suitable!

My Audi is a good family vehicle to use on respectable roads and will not work out in rural Africa. His Nissan, although it is 4×4, is very thirsty on fuel. It also uses PETROL where up in Africa DIESEL is much more readily available and thus will be the fuel you want to be using. His Nissan is also not roadworthy and far from reliable on the rough roads into Africa.

A couple months ago the light debate started… Should we sell our vehicles?

“My vehicle is good for us to move around here in Cape Town. It is economical and …it’s a nice car!” said I, “so let’s sell your Nissan… It is rusted and not licensed. Let’s not bother anymore with trying to fix it!”.

“No”, says Michael, “The Nissan has a good strong engine. If we sell it we won’t get what it is worth. Let’s sell your car and get the Nissan ready for the field…”

…And so the deliberation continued with neither of us too willing to sell our vehicles. I was desperately clinging to the only thing I feel I possessed (although technically we were married in community of property and even though it was in my name, I didn’t possess the car either…)

So 2 weeks ago we had to go to George for Michael’s eye operation (he had to have a pterygium removed from his eye) and we drove down with my car… We spent a lovely weekend with friends in George and in our travels we came across a Toyota Hilux 4×4 bakkie that Michael thought was perfect! Not only was it Diesel, it was a Toyota (spares are more commonly available in Africa) and it was one of the older models which makes it easier for Michael to fix (he fixes anything!!!). This bakkie was being sold for R69 900. We didn’t have this kind of money and we had resolved not to go into debt so here was a problem…

That night I lay in bed and pondered the matter. I could see an answer to the problem but I didn’t want to see it. What if…? Dared I think it? What if we sold both our vehicles and bought the Toyota? That could probably work but it would mean I had to sell my car!!?

The next day I suggested this to Michael and he was thrilled! What a brilliant idea! The next step was to advertise our vehicles for sale and see what happens. Michael had tried advertising his vehicle in gumtree almost 2 months before this but had had no response so we realised we would need to try more avenues.

Well, God had other plans. On our way back from George my car broke down. We had to get my insurance to come and tow my car to the nearest town (which was Swellendam) where we could assess the problem and decide what to do. The towing company happened to also be a mechanical workshop and they said the car could stay there the night and they would take a look the next morning to see what was wrong with it.

The next morning we were told that the cost for repairing the vehicle was way more than we could afford and we obviously were not planning to keep the car for much longer, so we sold it.

Yes, you heard right. We sold the car to the mechanic. As a last resort Michael just threw the question out there to the mechanic and asked him if he would be interested in buying the car and for how much. The mechanic said yes and gave a reasonable offer and after a short discussion I told Michael that we need to cut our losses and sell the car.

This is how it happened that I came back home car-less… Strangely there was a smile in my heart. I had been listening to the audio book “In His Steps” and God had been speaking into my heart about materialistic things and the hold they have on our lives spiritually. Selling my car, although a sad parting, was like lifting a burden off my shoulders because no longer was this an issue in my life. I was set free from the materialistic attachment I had with this earthly possession.

Now, as I said earlier, Michael had advertised his Nissan almost 2 months before in gumtree but had had no response on his advert. But after my car broke down, a strange thing happened… While we were sitting in the Audi near Swellendam, waiting for the tow-in service to arrive, Michael had 2 calls from different people who had spotted his advert on gumtree and were interested in buying the Nissan. Is that coincidence or what? This was crazy! The next day there was another call from someone who wanted to buy the Nissan and was hoping to come and take a look. Since then there has been a few more calls and they will be coming to look at the Nissan with hopes to buy it.

What an incredible God we serve! I relate this story to you just to show that we sometimes try to organize things but God knows what is best for us and He coordinates things in such a way that everything works out for the best.

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose

Come Holy Spirit!

I pray for Him to come down… I want His touch! I long to walk in communion with Him but I am afraid…

I am afraid of not being in control of my own life. I am afraid of looking silly to other people. I don’t want to make a fool of myself. I want to seem sophisticated and normal and…. I and I and I…. Oh Lord, what about You?

You created me from the rib of my husband, You formed me in my mother’s womb… You planned my life before I was born and you died… oh Lord, you died for the sins I will commit long before I was formed.

You wanted to use me although You didn’t need me… You chose me and raised me in a home where I would be prepared for work in Your Kingdom. After I deserted You, You came after me and You plucked me out of the mess I had made of the life You had given me. You washed me clean and set me on the right path again. You saved me…

Then You continued to save me… Every time I made a mistake; every time I took things into my own hands and made a mess of things, every time I got hurt… You were there…

The most amazing thing is that you still want to use me!!! After everything I have done You still seek me out Lord…

Father, my Heavenly Father, I love You! I cannot begin to say how sorry I am for all the times I have hurt You and turned my back on You. I want to serve You with all my heart and I want to be a vessel, pure and holy, in the service of Your Kingdom. May You be glorified through my life and may I serve You faithfully as You have loved me faithfully.

Use me for whatever You will and take me wherever You will. Pour out Your Spirit on me and come dwell in me from day to day that I may be more and more like You. I am ready to accept everything You have in mind for me. Forgive me my unbelief and lack of faith and help me to grow every day stronger in You. I want to trust You with my whole heart, soul and mind for everything and in everything.

May Your Will be done! Come Holy Spirit…