We all have to deal with it…

Disappointment…. We all have to deal with it.

In this past week I was reminded of my own disappointment when on Sunday the visiting pastor preached on family and the importance of raising the next generation for Christ. Then the following day I saw on Facebook that a friend was pregnant and everyone was congratulating her. All this scratched open old wounds and  I felt hurt and sad all over again!

Often we live in our own selfish little bubble without realising that others are also suffering like ourselves. Our pain isn’t all the same but we all have pain.

I came to realise this as I was pouring out my woes on my dear friend’s kind listening ear and telling her all about my disappointment.

Did my kind friend understand? ABSOLUTELY!

In actual fact she was experiencing a similar pain of her own. She isn’t married yet and is also wondering when Mr Right will come along. She has been in relationships but just hasn’t met the right man yet. A colleague at work this week got engaged, the TV show or movie tells a compassionate love story and she is wondering, ‘Will this ever happen for me?’ She is asking herself if she should lower her standards and settle for someone less than what she is worth…

She understands my pain. She is longing for something that is right and normal and wondering why others can have it and she can’t. She is counting her blessings while she is single but still hoping and praying that somehow the right man will come along for her.

Later on I took comfort in my husband’s arms and told him that I was hurting. He told me that he too had taken a bit of a knock during a conversation with someone. The couple he had chatted with were trying for a third child but having trouble conceiving. They expressed their own pain without realising that we were still trying for our first child without success.

We all have pain and each pain is as real as another’s. When we take time to see that and to reach out in compassion to each other we will also find some sort of healing.

I have noticed that when I am hurting or feeling sorry for myself, praying for others helps me forget my own pain. I get to focus on someone else’s pain instead of my own and then my spirit lifts.

Let us make a choice today to look for other’s who are hurting and reach out to comfort them during their suffering. Pray for them. Love them. Listen to them.

God bless!

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“Happy” Father’s Day

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For many years my husband and I have tried to have children. We have prayed, we have read books on the issue, we have visited others who have prayed for us and we tried the wonders of modern medicine…. But to no avail.

At first I was frustrated, angry and hurt. I would see other women my age and often younger falling pregnant and I would congratulate them through gritted teeth.

I stopped going to events and socials because it hurt to see others and their children.

I would see pregnant tummies and new mommies cuddling their babies and I would cry… I wanted that. I wanted to feel what it felt like to carry a baby in my womb. I wanted to feel the warmth of my baby feeding on my breast. I wanted all those things and more.

But my pain wasn’t all my own. When I looked at my husband, I could see how he loved children and it broke my heart thinking about what a good father he would be. He was strong and gentle and enjoyed teaching and playing with other people’s children.
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Gradually, I learnt to submit my will to God and I started to force myself to enjoy the benefits that we have as a husband and wife without children. We can come and go as we please, sleep in on a Saturday morning, and have as many “date nights” as we like. These are just a few of our luxuries as child-less parents.

Then God blessed us with a cat. She came into our lives by “accident” but we both believe it was no accident. We rescued her from the dog and since then she has filled a gap in our hearts which helped me to heal from the hurt of infertility. We found something to love and enjoy and she loved us back which was a wonderful bonus.
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I felt whole again. No more pain and no more longing. I enjoyed our quiet nights as well as our spur-of-the-moment outings. I enjoyed sleeping in on Saturday morning and having fun with my hubby. I didn’t feel the need for a child anymore.

But then came Mother’s Day… And now Father’s Day….

It still hurts.

It hurts that I will never be a mother. I won’t ever get a mother’s day card or flower…. It hurts that my husband who would be an excellent father won’t have that joy. I can’t give him a father’s day card or help our child prepare him a special breakfast.

I know it’s silly! How stupid to put so much emphasis and emotion into a commercial and man-made holiday which is probably only there to help businesses make money. But it hurts nonetheless.

In a few days/weeks I will probably get over the hurt and move on because I trust in my God and I know that He is Sovereign over all… but there are others out there who don’t know this or they have lost sight of it for a moment like I did.

I am voicing my pain for those who need to know that there are others who know your pain too.

God knows what the loss of a son feels like. He understands our pain. The world isn’t perfect but our Saviour is! He has died in our place so that we can be free from death and the curse of sin. I can know peace in my heart and soul because of His mercy and grace. Hallelujah!

When the pain comes again, as I am sure it will, I will remember that God is in control and I will think about how much He loved me to die in my place. This is enough for me!